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Seven things you only know if you are a tall woman
The results of the largest-
At present, Britain comes in much lower, with men at 31st tallest on the list and women standing at 38th – but we are standing significantly taller than the last time we were surveyed when we came in shuffling at 57.
So, it’s official. We are standing head and shoulders above our forbears. In the past century, we’ve shot up by a whopping 11 centimetres. Our 5ft 8in Prime Minister is setting the pace too, often towering over her significant others in Europe. Of course, this is seen as a good sign – as they get taller, the assumption is that they are nations of increasing health and broadening shoulders; great strapping, powerful creatures rising up in strength and into the clouds. We’re lucky to be getting taller! Right?
Average and below average people will cross streets, bars, parties and even mountains to inform you that you’re tall
Well. Maybe not. I speak from experience, you see. At six feet tall, I nearly always come in at number one as the tallest in a group. I am over five inches taller than the average woman in Britain and although it means I always get the best view at gigs, it comes with a plethora of inconvenient, unexpected downsides.
If we’re a nation on the rise, there are a few things I feel I should warn you about; things you only know if you’re a tall woman.
Trousers are a nuisance
See too maxi skirts (they become midi skirts); jeans (they become capri pants) and flares (they become culottes). When you’ve got long legs, its impossible to find fabric long enough to house them. Tights are a particular nuisance and most winters I can remember have been overshadowed by the memory of anxiously, inelegantly hoiking the waistband up while waddling along the pavement to stop the gusset dropping so low that its visible below my hemline.
People will tell you you’re tall, all the time
Average and below average people will cross streets, bars, parties and even mountains to inform you that you’re tall. “Christ you’re tall!”, “what’s your exact height?”, “I can’t believe how much taller you are than me!” they’ll squawk before -
But there are ways of localising the humiliation: only wearing heels around people who aren’t going to be drinking heavily, for example (the “tall tellers” as I like to call them only usually find their voice about three pints down). You also learn to arm yourself with correct responses -
You weigh a tonne
It takes all of a tall woman’s teens and the majority of her twenties to stop lying about how much she weighs. An average woman’s fat weight is a tall woman’s skinny weight. For some, a size 16 to 18 jacket may be a sign that they need to cut down on puddings; for a tall woman it’s the only thing that will stretch across her shelving unit shoulders.
A big, healthy physique comes with a big, healthy weight. Only a long-
You’re a constant inconvenience
Whether it’s the huffing, puffing, tutting of a short middle-
And, by the way everyone, we’re not kicking anything -
You may not get the guy
The “tall blonde” template for definitive beauty is a total myth from Nordic warrior princess folklore. Trust me -
Here are the words that serve you well on the dating scene: “petite” and “pretty”. I think the typical dream woman qualifications in this country are the following: brunette, pear-
You always get the passenger seat of the car
A fantastic upside of being so tall is that when you travel in groups, people will always give you the front seat of the car for “the legroom” (you never tell them it makes next to no difference).
You make new friends
We find each other at parties; we lend each other our size eight shoes. We reverently smile at each other in the street. We are veterans of a long-